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Yep, Actual conversations at The Food Lion on Oak Island
Story #1
set-up
A mother (who couldn't have been more than 29...MAYBE 30) was shopping with her two daughters. Daughter #1 was probably about 5 years old. Daughter #2 was somewhere between 12-16 (and very pregnant) but I would be shocked if she was older than 13. The cart was so full of beer and every bag of chips from the ito family that it took me a minute to realize the girls were with her. Mom's pink dress was so short, you could see almost everything God gave her. She did still have a pretty tight body but then again, I probably would too if I had started having children 24 hours after my mother stopped breast feeding me! So anyway, back to the girls. They were cute but very young. So young they were pushing and shoving each other down one of the aisles like 5 year olds do and calling each other nicknames and giggling. Mom was not enjoying this action between her "youngins" The rest is how the conversation went.
Daughter #1: Goofball (pushes sister into the basket of Oak Island koozies) giggle, giggle, giggle.
Daughter #2: Pick um up you Poopface, turdball! (belly roll laugh)
Mom: Y'all need to stop that messin now!
Girls: laugh, giggle, push each other. More nick names
Mom: I done told you two to cut it out now cut it OUT!
Daughter #1: Stop it before momma pops us, now I mean it cause you started it!
Daughter #2: Did not and she ain't gon pop me cause of this (points to tummy) so you shut up turd face!
Daughter #1: opens mouth to start a comment back...
Mom: Jerks cart to a HALT! Drags both girls over to edge of the aisle (by the pregnancy tests, tampons and condoms). Points a long finger with sculptured nails (yes they were airbrushed with designs) at her two daughters and SCREAMS.........
Now look you little bitches, I done told y'all to cut the shit out. (points to the daughter #2 and gets in her face) I ain't gonna hit a pregnant girl BUT (now pointing at Daughter #1 and getting in her face) I WILL beat the SHIT outta you...do you hear me? I said to you hear me? huh?
Girls: yes momma we heard ya.
All three together: laugh and then move the cart to continue shopping.
Mom: Good now both of ya go to the damn car before I really get mad!
Did I mention that none of them had any shoes on? Gotta love North Carolina at the Food Lion.
Story #2
set-up
While standing in line to check out about 30 minutes later. I see a man in the lane just in front of me. He looks as though he has not slept inside anything with indoor plumbing since September 11th, yes THE september 11th! He stinks (because I am down wind) a stink of beer, sweat, dirty ass and cigarette smoke. His teeth were beige and looked like the ones that were wittled for George Washington (can you still find Camel's with no filter??). His fingernails were yellow and thick, like corn chips and he looked about as simple as simple can get. His socks did not match, one was white and one was brown. He is in the 12 items or less lane and I am in the I am obviously from out of town because I bought one of everything in here lane. He turns to look at the door and starts to fidget a bit but his face goes from happy to mad to happy again. The interchange went as follows.
man: Hey momma, momma hey, how you doin?
mom: (looks at him like he is crazy then yells)Don't you talk to me you sorry ass son of a bitch, what is wrong with you? You got somethin you want, call your damn daddy. I ain't got nothin to say to you.
man: (Looks at me because he knows I witnessed the love between a mother and son.) Well, I reckon she is havin another one of her spells, she is kinda prickly when she don't eat!!
I finished paying for my groceries and left shaking my head and wondering how I always wind up seeing and hearing the strangest things.
Each time I leave a Food Lion, I look around to see if I am on Candid Camera! Not sure why, but it still amazes me that people say and do some of the damndest things in front of me! But hell, the Food Lion is full of good material... no matter what town you are in!
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