Twas the night before Christmas and in our humble abode
We were rushing to get into Santa mode
The stockings were hung by the chimney with care.
Boxes were
scattered every freakin where!
Amazon, ebay, toys-r-us representing
Putting stuff together, the job of every adult consenting.
The twins were asleep after a day of running wild
Oh the excitement of Christmas in the eyes of a child.
I, in my pj’s and daddy crouched on the floor in his jeans
Were stressed with the mess, yeah you know the scene.
When all of a sudden, losing my center of mass
I stepped over my husband and busted my ass!
I fell in a heap with my foot and leg bent back
Oh shit, look at my toes, they are already turning black!
Twas the night before Christmas
that I painfully suppose
I became a liability to Santa
and broke my toes!
I left the toy workshop with many a cuss word said
I hobbled but carefully put myself to bed.
My husband came later after placing the haul around the tree
Poor thing crawled into bed at a quarter past three!
finally perfect
I slept for a short time, til my toes began to throb
Then a noise woke me up(before dawn)…holy shit! are we being
robbed?
When down in the foyer there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my bed to see WTF was the matter!
When what to my bleary eyes did I see...
But two sleepy grandparents staring up at me.
Grandad was present clad, he looked like a bandit
Grammy was whisper yelling..help me turn this alarm off
DAMMIT!!
Seems they tried to sneak in early to be here for the twins
So they could see the Christmas mayhem the moment it begins.
Broken toes and all, I stumped down the stairs of my home
Just in time to answer the ringing telephone.
Our security company called, is everything OK?
Your burglar alarm has gone off on this fine Christmas day,
I know it’s the birthday of the prince of peace,
But if you don’t know your code, I’ll have to summon the
police.
I went through a list of old phrases and words
Then the doorbell was the very next sound that I heard.
When I opened the door, I had in my sight
A FINE officer stating, “mam is everything alright?”
Well yes it is now and boy what a deal
Thank you so much Santa, I just knew you were real!
You brought me this gift, I love a man in uniform
Now come on in honey, lets get you all warm!
He leaned in to look around and make sure there was no thief
I said for the love of all things holy not so close…see I
haven’t yet brushed my teeth!
I drank a lot yesterday, I quietly admitted
And it feels like a sweater, on my teeth has been knitted!
He flirted a bit, which made me kind of blush
Think I have developed a little Christmas crush?
He said, go back to bed for in a little while
You will hear the pitter patter of several a child
Yes well mine don’t pitter and they certainly don’t patter
But anyway thank you for coming to see what was the matter.
He turned on his heels and stepped towards the yard
I sure am gonna will miss my Christmas security guard.
I am SO sorry to have troubled you, I told this fine brotha
Then I shot a mean look at the instigator, my mother
I heard him exclaim as he went on his way
Merry Christmas and don’t worry, you aren’t the first ones
today!
