Mother Nature is a bitch!
Winter is gone, spring is finally here,
The whole South is yellow this time of year,
With pores that contain male gametes
Pollen! It covers everything, even the streets.
It’s borne by an anther in a plant that flowers
Please hook a sista up with a few spring showers?
I cannot breathe and when the wind blows
It flies in my hair, my eyes and my nose.
I can’t stop sneezing and I have a nasty hack
Not to mention a headache and an asthma attack.
Leaving the house is just a pain in the ass
God help me if I have to walk in the grass.
I’ve hit all the drug stores and points in between
Raiding the shelves of Sudafed, Benadryl and Visine.
Once it’s all gone, things will be lush and green
Until then I’ll be stoned from chugging Loratadine.
My voice has completely lost its girlish tone
Damn I hate The Pine, you know, the tree with the cone.
My eyes are all red, swollen and sore,
I am sniffing and snorting just like a crack whore.
It makes me so dizzy and I look like hell,
Like some strung out pusher from a Colombian cartel.
Irritable and nasty, it makes me as mean as snot
Shouldn’t blame that on pollen, it’s my life’s lot.
My husband says, “Lets open the windows or sit on the porch”
My reply, “You touch those damn windows you will get a divorce”!
Him, “ We can get some fresh air while the trees are swayin”
Me, “And I will beat you with a deck chair honey I’m just sayin”!
Spring is so pretty in the Carolina of North
But I suffer until all of the flowers burst forth
with coughing and sneezing, and my nose will run and twitch
I hate to say it but Mother Nature is a bitch!
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