Reflections of a Highbrow Hillbilly

More WTF???

Same drug store, different day….. I walk up on these two conversations. 

I think the folks who work in my drug store are dipping their pen in the company ink, if you know what I mea, but in case you don’t…they must be taking downers from the shelf and eating them like skittles because they are SSLLLLOOOOWWWW  as hell!  In an effort to give them plenty of time to fill my prescription, I park (as a matter of fact, in the same parking spot I apparently stole from the crazy old lady the other day) and decide to take the opportunity to organize some of the twin paraphernalia that always seems to be sprinkled about the mommy mobile.  I hear someone say, “Well hello there.”  I think to myself, you have GOT to be kidding me, is this the old woman that has dropped her basket talking to me again??  Yep, it is her but I am not the huckleberry today, it would appear that I am off the hook because she is now talking to a homeless man perched against the drug store glass, sign in his hand and all.  Below is the conversation.  Keeping in mind..all his sign said was this

NOT THIS....

Or even this???

No bells and whistles, just this!

Crazy:  HOMELESS, need help hmmmm?  If you are homeless, where do you stay?

Homeless:  Under the bridge.

Crazy:  WHY in the world would you stay under a bridge?

Homeless:  No place else to stay.

Crazy:  It is so cold, can’t you go someplace else?

Homeless:  Lady I am homeless, where else you want me to go?

Crazy:  Where do you take a bath?

Homeless:  I don't.

Crazy:  Do you get the paper there, how do you get coupons or find out what is going on in the world?

WTF???  She really said that.

Homeless man:  (blank stare)

Crazy:  How much to you have to pay to stay there?

Homeless:  Lady, I am homeless, it’s free and it is cold!

Crazy:  Do you have a blanket, because if you are cold you should have a blanket.

Homeless:  Are you going to help me or not?

Crazy:  Now, I will NOT give you money…you people only use it for liquor and women

~~~~WTF???  this man has not had a shower since 1992, lives under a bridge and has 3 teeth in his head, I would wager guess that spending his money on women was not on his top 10~~~~

Crazy:  But I will go get you something to eat if you want it, if you are cold well then you must be hungry?

Don’t know about you but I often get hungry when I get cold, don’t you????? WTF???

Homeless:  Yes  Mam I could eat.

Crazy:  I will be right back, don’t you go nowhere you hear?  Under the bridge really?  I just would never think someone would want to live under the bridge.  Walks off toward Panera bread. (lucky them)

Homeless:  (blank stare until she walks off) Shakes his head then he says,  Crazy bitch ain’t comin back wit food, stops and talks to me twice a week and it’s the same shit each time!  I might stay unda a bridge but she crazy!

I handed him my only 4 bucks on the way out.  I don't give a shit what he uses it for, he lives under a bridge!!

Conversation between two customers waiting for meds….

The slow pokes behind the counter still are not ready for me so I move to the side and wait amongst the other patrons.

 Oh how I wish I had a picture of these lovely ladies!

Client #1:  Hey hooka what chew doin here?

Client #2:  Hey gurl, pickin up some meds, you?

Client #:1  Same, what chew pickin up?

Client  #2  Don’t know, it got a long ass name, it’s a an ti-bi otic.  What chew getting?

Client #1:  I been havin some test run and this mownin docta dun tol me I got the sugar.

Client#2:  Damn gurl, you got the sugah, is is cause you so big?

Client #1: I ont know, my momma got it too but I gotta buy all this shit start stickin my finger erry few hours, go learn how to use needles, just mo money ya know, its always sompum.  Gotta start eatin right too.  (WTF, she is eating a reeses cup and drinking a coke) What’s wrong wit chew gurl?

Client #2:  Damn girl, the sugah?? Mm  mm  mm.  I got a bad toof(WTF?? I only see 2),  gotta come out but he gotta kill the infection first.

Client #1:  He gih you sompmm fa pain?

Client #2:  Naw gurl I'm still on the methadone(WTF?? Do they still prescribe that??), he ain’t giv me nothing but a dirty look, say if he give me anything fa pain I be right back in na same boat again.  Tell me I got to suffa.  I said damn doc you spose to tell me sompmn I don’t know!

They both laugh…I guess misery really does love company.

How do I always end up in these conversations.