Reflections of a Highbrow Hillbilly

Contributing to the delinquency of a fat ass!

Seriously?  Is there any reason under God's green earth that any grocery store should sell this much damn ice cream for this cheap?  You could set up a canasta board on my ass as it is and then I go into my favorite grocery store and see this.  Do you think I bought any?

Hell to the yeah!!!

I crammed this stuff in my cart like a thief in a bank vault.  What I didn't take a picture of was the additional sherbet and low fat yogurt I also slid in along side it.  I also will not even mention the cookie,cracker, dairy and candy aisle that I perused and piled into the cart either.  When I got to the frozen foods and can goods, I had no room.  Healthy lost out on this go round let me tell you.  This damn cart would kill a diabetic in less than 5 minutes!  In my own defense,as if I need anyone to come to my defense, I did just have a child have his tonsils and adenoids taken out so it just happens to be real convenient that I need all the ice cream in the free world.  The boy child is not as big as a fart in a hurricane so he can eat ice cream for 3 squares and 24/7 for 10 years and not gain weight.  He may have cholesterol numbers in the 1600's but he probably won't gain very much weight.  I must admit that I did look over my shoulder prepared to give anyone stink eye or possibly 

I didn't to this, instead I walked on feeling guilty and like a bad mommy.  It was obvious from all the other things in my cart that I have small children at home.   SO I doubt anyone really noticed the 5 FREAKIN GALLONS of ice cream I had placed ever so tucked away on the bottom rack where the crazy cat women usually shove 5 big ass bags of cat litter.  I must admit though that the kudos I got from my pediatrician for not having obese children did ring in my ears.  BUT no need t look over my shoulder for him because he doesn't live in the same town I live in anymore so I guess I can set that bag of bricks down.  To make matters worse when I got to the checkout lane I could see the cashiers all looking for something sharp to stab in their eyes so they could take a break and not have to check me and my 5 million items out.  Bite me bitches and don't piss me off or I will go to the 12 items or less aisle and limp, cross my eyes, drool on myself and act like I don't know what the fuck is going on so I can tie that lane up for an hour!  Finally someone said, "mam I can help you on 3"  so I roll over there and begin the countdown to the rape of my wallet.  She gets finished, asks me for my VIC card and watches as it scans down lower, lower and a bit lower.  It stops and the girl bagging says in a very smart ass, young girl kind of way, "GOD when is the last time you came shopping?"  I glare at her like I am about to smack the snark off her badly pitted face!  When the silence gets uncomfortable for her she says, "well look on the bright side....you are the customer with the highest grocery bill so far today."  I said, "oh great, as my door prize for such an awesome victory I would like someone to load all this stuff in my car for me(I NEVER get them to do this)...and then come home with me to put it all away, no seriously how do you know I am the highest?"  She says, "oh we keep a tally between us just to pass the time because this job is SO boring... so congratulations, hahaha."  When she calls out to another clerk to walk me out to my car with my haul, apparently her manager was there to distribute breaks and shift changes SO the guy she asked me to walk out was sent on break and SHE was told to "help" me to my car.  I looked at her and said  in a smart ass older woman kind of way, "congratulations, hahaha."  When we got to my car I opened the trunk, unlocked the car, got in and just waited for her to load it all up.  Came home and made a big ass bowl of ice cream! To the victor go the spoils...AND the big ass.  Yeah me!