more things you DO NOT want to hear!
Are you freakin serious, haven’t we been here already???? Yes but this time it is in the middle of the night and it doesn’t have anything to do with poop.
We, Santa Clause (I know I know, keep reading) and I are on the couch watching a movie. Not something we are able to do without hitting pause less than 25 times. So a normal movie takes us about 48 hours to watch. We are watching a new release and starting to get into it. All of a sudden there arouse this little voice so we stopped the movie because we had no choice! It is 11:30 pm and everyone is asleep. Really? Well almost. I hear two little feet hit the floor. I am a mommy that knows the sound of her babies and which is which by just hearing a simple breath or a roll over in the bed (no different from any mommy) and I live with a daddy that has no idea who is who until they are right in his face but this is mostly due to selective hearing (a disease all married men will eventually contract. Its not necessarily terminal but it can be if you smack them hard enough). I figure out immediately that this is the boy child. I hear his feet hit the tile floor in the bathroom…. then, silence. I sit there wondering if I was wrong, (NEVER happens. Hey you can write it any way you want when YOU have a kingdom) was it the girl because I didn’t hear the lid slam down with only the force and fervor my little bull in a china shop can muster. Then he yells, “mommy, it is getting everywhere and I cannot stop it”. I fly up the stairs …ok lets go to the ever-popular Christmas poem for the remainder of this story.
And what to my wondering eyes should I see,
but a tiny little boy who was covered in pee.
He was dazed and confused I could see from the door,
had his top hat on with his undies at the floor.
I tried not to laugh as he started to cry
because everything was wet, nothing was dry.
He had pee’d on the toilet and also the wall.
He had sprayed the towels, the counter and some of the hall.
He even hit his chest and the tip of his nose
yes he was dripping from his head to his toes.
The victim of an innocent thing his sister did,
she got up to pee and then put down the lid.
When he went to go and started his stream
both lids were down so he stated to scream.
A girl can stop but a boy cannot,
a lesson learned the hard way by this precious little tot.
I picked up the rug and tossed it to dad
then hugged the boy child because he now was mad!
Through laughter I hugged him and to his chagrin,
I squeezed him so tightly he pissed on MY chin.
This made him feel better and he started to laugh,
looked up and said “mommy now we both need a bath”.
We will do it tomorrow don’t worry about that
And I scooped up the boy wearing only a top hat.
Clean underwear on and tucked safely in bed, I came back downstairs and to my king said. All is well with the twins my dear Mr. Clause now lets watch the movie, thanks for hitting pause!
No comments:
Post a Comment