The other morning started out as many of mine do, me in my
typical surly mood and my children poking the bear. I have learned to TRY to overlook the drama that comes out
of a certain little girl and boy in my house and am rounding the corner into
not letting it screw up my entire morning (work in progress, work in progress). Shaking like a paint shaker at Home
Depot is a shit way to start a morning but it just seems to be the way it will
go for me. SO when the going got
tough this particular morning, the tough got her ass in her car early and
headed downtown to work. I was out
of the house about 10 minutes ahead of schedule so I was in no particular
hurry. I was not speeding, not
bitching at the mini vans in front of me or cussing at the yanks eating my
bumper behind me. Just trolling
along and happy to have left the team with daddy to finish preparing for
school. SO, I am driving on one of
our major thoroughfares into downtown when I got in line behind an old blue
head in a Lincoln. She was going 12 mph. Until her lack of speed made me catch
up behind her it was not bothering me but then it started to bug me so I passed
her. I did not brake, I did not
give a signal (mistake number 1) and I did not really speed up when I got on
the other side of her. I then got
right in front of her. I did not
give a signal then either (mistake number 2) and I sped up just a hair
(apparently mistake number 3).
When I say I sped up, I mean that I increased my speed by about 5
mph. I was doing 20 when I came up
on granny so by the time I passed her I MAY have rounded out a speed of 25
mph. The speed limit on this part
of the road is only 35 mph so no biggie.
I got just about to my favorite hot dog stand that resides on this road
(snoopy’s) for those of you that live in my town and I saw blue lights behind
me. I kept on driving because I
was not speeding so he could not be there for me. Well he was and I figured that out quickly. So I pulled over to the right, up the
next residential street passed Snoopy’s.
Oh yeah, this is SO not me in the morning.
Now to set this up just a bit, if you have read any of my
blog posts then you are aware that mornings are not my cup of tea. I am, at the best a sparkling bitch
with major attitude if you mess with me before I am ready to be messed
with. It does not matter to me who
you are, I do not want any contact with you that is not utterly necessary for
AT LEAST several hours after I have crawled out of bed and made an attempt to
be human. A police officer is no
different, probably should be but I make no distinction between living things
in the morning. I was now getting
pissed because he was throwing a turd in the punchbowl of my 10-minute jump on
traffic and my day. What IN
THE HELL could I have been doing wrong???? So when he pulled me, did he get out of his cruiser..Oh
wait, I mean vehicle and come to see me immediately? NO, he sat in his car, ran my plates, looked up what ever it
is they look up and sipped his coffee for about 3 more minutes that seemed more
like 10! I DO NOT like to wait OR
be made late and at this point I am about to be late because I have not reached
the bottleneck section of my drive that is the gateway into downtown. Damn him! He finally gets out of his cruiser (vehicle) and WOW what a
portly little fella he is. I am
surprised his ass didn’t bang on the running board of his vehicle as he crawled
out. His measurements must have
been 40 waist with a 28 inseam. A
tailor’s nightmare for sure and what is up with police officers (some but not
all) wearing uniforms so tight that if they fart they will discharge their
weapon in self-defense??? He comes
to the window and slows down at my back seat. Why? I am a
small blond in a mommy style Lexus with stuffed animals and car seats in the
back, how dangerous can I be?
Maybe he wanted a ride in the car seat; it was after all just his
size. He walks up to the window
and taps on it for me to roll it down. I roll it down half way (some of our police officers
are doing strange stuff to female drivers now so I am not giving him a chance)
and hand him my license and registration without speaking. I do give him a half smile with a my
right eyebrow raised. I think the
eyebrow raise is why my husband married me. I did not speak to him, why should I? When I gave him my information I turned
my head and looked straight ahead.
Sure are some cute houses on this street now, the neighborhood sure has
changed, wow. He could not leave
well enough alone and just give me the damn ticket so he starts in with the small
talk. “ MAM (of course Shorty had
to add that now didn’t he) do you want to know why I stopped you?” I look up at him and say, “no sir, not
really” and I continue looking at him until he speaks. He has inconvenienced me this morning
so why should I make conversation easy for him. He has the upper hand so screw him. I am going to get the damn ticket no
matter what I say so I choose to say nothing. I know my husband wishes he were here because it is RARE
that I choose to say nothing. He
says, “fair enough” then walks back to his car and does whatever it is he
does. He could be running my
information or calling his mother for all I know but what I do know is that now
it is to late for me to get to work and then hit the chic-fil-a for a snickity
snack so just damn him! I turn the
CD player on to Eminem, nothing like a little fuel for the hatred fire I have
going on…and Rhianna is currently enjoying being lied to so why don’t I just
sit there and watch her burn right along with Eminem???
I sit there about 5 minutes and he comes back with my
papers. I look up at the window to
see what he has to offer and get my left hand ready to embrace the ticket I am
about to receive. He says, “ you
established that you have no interest in why I stopped you so are you concerned
with the fact that I am going to issue you a citation, because I am required to
explain why?” I look up and say,
“well sir, I care, but I am not concerned”. “See I was not speeding, as a matter of fact I was going
well under the speed limit, the only thing I did was pass an old woman who was
traveling at an unsafe speed that was even slower than the one at which I was
traveling, so I figure that it doesn’t really matter what I think or feel, you
have your reasons and you are not afraid to use them so you are going to issue
me a citation no matter what I say, am I correct?” He smiled at me with a smile that told me he knew that I had
a relationship with an attorney and I was going to call him as soon as I drove
away, therefore he would not be seeing me sitting in court on his
administrative day when he goes to defend his ticket righting. He says, “you are correct in that you
were not speeding but you did however pass the vehicle traveling in front of
you without giving a signal when you passed on the right or when you moved back
in front of the vehicle”. I said,
“ok sir, I can live with that, EVEN though you, me and her were the only cars
on the road at the time.” He said,
“You didn’t let me finish mam.”
Damn him, throwing the word mam around like its no biggie. Mam should fall in the category for
women my age, (you know when you can’t tell if we are old and well preserved or
young but well seasoned) as asking a woman when she is due when you can’t tell
if she is just fat or if she is really knocked up! Now I AM pissed and I wouldn’t pee on this little troll if
he caught fire right by my window!
So, “mam you didn’t let me finish, you are correct, you were not
speeding and you were in fact traveling under the posted speed limit but can you
tell me why you passed her in an unsafe manner and why you did not give a
signal?” I said, “Well if my
reason is good enough, will you let me go without a ticket, cause I am already
late?” He said, “Well lets hear
your answer”. See now he is just
flirting and trying to be cute. He
has already decided and did so before he left his cruiser that he is not going
to give me a ticket so NOW he is just wasting my time because he can! I looked at him and said, “well sir, I
was not speeding because I don’t speed I well, I am a mom in case the car seats
in the back did not give that away.
I was also traveling slowly because until you stopped me I was not in a
hurry and I was just enjoying my drive.
Then I came up on a car going really slowly so without thinking of a
signal or using my brakes (why should I, I was creeping) I just decided to go
around her, why? Because sometimes it’s not about speed, its just about not
wanting to follow anyone, surely you understand that”. He said, “well, that is honest and I do
appreciate it so you travel safely and please use your signal from now on OK
MAM?” I said, “You got it
sir.” We chatted for a few more
minutes with pleasantries such as where are you headed, where do you work, for
how long and how many kids do you have?
It was all I could do not to turn into the back and say, car seats…count
them 1, 2 so that means I have two children quickie quickerson, but even I know
when to quit while I am ahead. I
asked him some of the same questions; I knew where he worked so I started with
children. He had 3 and was
recently separated, we chatted for a few minutes and it ended up being a nice
conversation with a very nice person and by the time I pulled away I was
actually very glad that he stopped me.
He worked me out of my morning bad mood and folks that ain't easy to do! I had no wedding rings on so maybe that
was really why I didn’t get the citation…who knows but what I do know is that
it ended up being a nice conversation with a nice person and as I continued on
my route to work I passed a pretty nasty accident. Made me wonder if maybe being stopped by the police officer
and detained long enough to make me late also made me miss out on being part of
that nasty accident. No way to
tell but just solidified my belief that people are placed in our path for a
reason and if he was not placed in my path to keep me from an accident, then at
the bare minimum he was placed in my path to give me someone to have a nice
conversation with and ease into a good mood for the remainder of my day. I can certainly live with that!
That was GREAT! Thank you!
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