Spring Break comes to Mommy Town. Things you DO NOT want to hear!

 Spring Break 2010 comes to Mommy Town

Things you DO NOT want to hear!!!

1.     Mommy the paper in the toilet won’t go down and the water is really cold on my feet!  Can you come help me?  You damn skippy son I am on my way. 

         

Go upstairs to find boy child standing in front of the toilet with his drawers (that is southern for underwear) at his ankles and his slash style top hat on with water running over the toilet onto his feet and the floor.  Add a few little brown pellets rolling over the side and yes folks we have a party!  I go in up to my elbow and start pulling toilet paper out of the toilet along with about 25 little turds, while trying to turn the water off all at the same time.  Boy do I know how to have fun or what?  Boy child goes “Mommy those brown things are mine but I have NO IDEA how all that toilet paper got there, are you happy at me?”  Still standing in the water with his drawers at his ankles and his top hat on giggling at me.  I finally get to the end of the mass of toilet paper he has shoved into the toilet.  If there is an ass big enough to need this much Charmin I DO NOT want to see it!  The toilet begins to suck back the little turds and water much like the ocean does its storm surge after a category 4 hurricane.  Mommy is not holding on to the paper tight enough so the toilet sucks it back and it clogs again.  I say SHIT and son please move back so I can get all this cleaned up.  I go for the water valve again and drop my knee right on a runaway turd.  Yep its getting fun now!  Boy child says “ mommy, now you have really made a mess.”  Realizing that in his world this is entirely my fault.   I slip and hit my chin on the toilet. Which makes me stand up and say F*#k it!  You guessed it folks… I step on yet another runaway turd.  Finally I reach down and grab all the paper out of the toilet with a fury and let all the remaining contents drain into the abyss.  Stand up and sling the wad of toilet paper towards the tub!  Clean up the floor, throw the rugs in the garbage and look at boy child, aka slash, standing in the tub watching me, then I see the mass of toilet paper I tossed, sticking to the side of the tub SO close to his head it actually makes me laugh.  He says “boy mommy that was close.”  I say you are right little man next time don’t use so much ok?  He says,” you got it mommy, I love you and you are the best mommy I have ever had!”  Love my life J

                                                       

2.    Mommy this toothpaste does not taste right, I think something is wrong with it. 

   

This one is all me, my fault straight out of the gate.  Tired from not very much sleep, which seems to be the situation on a regular basis. I fixed the toothbrush for the girl child.  She started brushing her teeth and being the intelligent child she is, she let me know something was rotten in Denmark!  Well it seems mommy of the year picked up the Boudreaux’s butt paste instead of the Dora the Explorer Colgate toothpaste and loaded her toothbrush up!  Good thing she didn’t tell me her whoohaa (that is what we call it to avoid the V word) was hurting.  Chances are Colgate on the cooter would have sent us straight to the doctor with some serious explaining to do.  Good thing DSS doesn't have a desk at the local pediatricians office. Yep I am watching the door for my mommy of the year award to show up.  Stellar morning in this castle.

3.    Mommy I love you but I don’t want to live here right now.  Can you call    Gammy and Gaga to see when they are going to come pick me up? Oh yeah and mommy I will call you when I am ready for you to pick me up ok?

Don't you love getting the don't call me, I'll call you from your children?  How could I argue with this very smart young child who was trying to get out while the getting was good.  My sentiment was, sure honey I will be happy to do that just as soon as I pack all my things because right now I don't really want to live here either.  4 days and counting until spring break 2010 is over!!!