Old, Not that there is anything wrong with old.

1^st Day of school for the twins and mommy is off to a winning start.  I am a Loser with a capital L!  Sometimes when I do it all right, or things go well (off without a hitch so to speak) I have to sit for a second in utter amazement that I didn’t actually kill anyone or anything.  I can’t always say that since the Lexus has been known to take out small creatures such as Canada Geese and squirrels (in the double digits) but I can say that I haven’t taken out any adults or small children YET.  

For someone that seems secure, organized and confident on the outside I seem to say to myself “you can do this” over and over again.  I really am in shock sometimes when I crawl into bed at night that I (and the people I take care of) have made it safely through a day.  If you really stop and think of how your family looks up to you, expects you to be there, knows you are the glue that keeps it all together  and also the wind that keeps all the balls in the air…it will flat scare the living shit out of you!  Holy responsibility batman!  I actually remember thinking when I was pregnant, man if I can just get these babies OUT of my body life will be so much easier and it will slow down.  (Insert wild, loud, snorting laughter here.) That is not even a naive thought it is simply the dumbest thought in the free world.  I really thought things would “slow down” and “go back to normal”.  Little did I know that things never slow down again and back to normal just becomes a new normal.  But from there on in, life is a complete and utter train wreck and you are running around like a raped ape all the time.  I also now believe what all the people I thought were crazy as hell used to say to me.  “You will soon embrace it and not know how to act when everything isn’t going crazy all the time.”  Sad but true just as it is that prisoners become accustom to life behind bars so much that they can’t make it on the outside.  How is that for a positive outlook on it?  (insert sarcastic smiley face here)  I say, whatever helps.

We moved to Winston Salem and everything is new.  It is new for us but there sure isn’t much new here.  Everything and everyone is pretty old.  Even the man who cuts my grass is old. 

He looks JUST like Henry Fonda did in On Golden Pond until you get right up on him.  He is really tall and has sleeves of tattoo's.  All the tattoo's are brightly colored and man he has both arms full!  He will not let me give him water or anything but he will talk to me as long as I will talk to him.  He may be old but he is in serious shape.  Not only does he do our yard but the yards of everyone in our neighborhood who does not do their own.  I felt so guilty sitting in my house watching him cut the grass until I started to talk to him.  Then I realized he was just like my grandfather and cutting the grass is therapy for him, he loves it and it shows because it looks wonderful when he is finished.  He arrives at 8am and he is with me until 2pm and he uses a push mover...yes a friggin push mower.  He does not have an ounce of fat on him!  It is August and he wears overalls and a t-shirt with boots!  I love him. 

Trust me I don't say this old thing like it is bad..it just is what it is.  I am no spring chicken but I guess I am just used to home where I see more of a mixture of things and people of all ages.  We live in the “country” so I am told that the closer I get to “town” the younger things get.   Suddenly I feel like Wyatt Earp’s wife heading for Tombstone, where is my covered wagon and my laudanum? The quote I get from most folks I talk to must be on a bumper sticker somewhere but I have yet to see it.  “Welcome to Winston, things here are slow, very old and very safe”.  It is like they pull people aside once social security kicks in and teach them that this is the thing to say to a newcomer.  Even the man at the Verizon store said this and then followed it up with, “If you want gangs and fast pace with new stuff then 919 is still there but if you like slow and safe honey 336 is for you!”  The other thing they tell me is that Winston is simply beautiful and they are also right about that (with exception of that Peters Creek area..it is creepy).  Only having been here for a few weeks I must admit I am getting very used to the fact that Winston is slow, very old and very safe.  The people are also very nice and welcoming.  I am used to a certain snobby attitude from my home town.  The people are often times judgmental, difficult, unfriendly and just plain snarky and you can tell by looking at them which ones will be the worst.  Raleigh has that reputation with people here as well and many have asked me about what it was like to live there because of it.  I love it, I miss it and all these things about it are true but it is also a wonderful place to live and when it is all you really know you tend to be accepting, well that and some people rich or poor are just assholes.  The people here could not be further from the words listed above in fact they are the antithesis.  The ones you look at and think would be unfriendly or snarky are the nicest of all.  People speak, smile and talk to you.  They genuinely care about the answer to the question.  Not just hey, how are you while flying past you.   Seriously everyone I have encountered here has been beaming with quiet, southern charm and overwhelmingly welcoming.  So much so that it has brought me to a place where I tread in unfamiliar waters, this place is called, at a loss for words and folks it is quiet and lonely there, thank GOD I am not there very often!

This brings me to my new neighbor.  He is however not new.  He moved here in 1964 when he was 34 years old.  The tree in his front yard is a LARGE and looming but beautiful maple tree and it is what I look at each morning when I have my coffee.  His wife planted the tree as a seedling in 1965.  His roots here are as deep as the maple.  He is adorable and has his fair share of sad stories to add to his years but he is here and I am thankful for him to add to my list of people to care for because this man is learning how to live alone for the first time in over 62 years.  I am not alone but I feel certain symmetry with him at the present time. 

On this, the first day of school for my twins at their new Montessori School I did not do all things right.  I got them lunch packed, clothed and out the door for school and arrived on time.  I came home to my daunting list of to do’s and knocked out quite a bit. I even suffered a minor myocardial infarction as I got a little jiggy wit my new elliptical machine cause this girl is also old and slow!   As the day progressed and I prepared to be back at school on time as promised, I started numbering things in my head that needed to happen and also numbering the items I would need in my hands when I walked out the door(OCD I know but not quite far enough to be licking light plates).  I needed three things.  Keys, phone and wallet, not hard to remember right?  Keys, phone and wallet!  I rushed around the house, picked up three things and headed out the front door.  As the door closed behind me and hitting me in the ass, something felt wrong, very wrong.  

                       SHIT  SHIT   SHIT

I looked at my hands and I did in fact have three things.  Phone (always), wallet (usually) and a letter (not my keys).  Shit, I am locked out and I have little idea of where I am.  I have 10 minutes to get to school to be on time and my drive is about 13 minutes.  Screwed, not good mommy, not good.  What is that noise I hear??  It is the sound of my mommy of the year trophy falling off a shelf inside my locked house and right into the cheesecake that is in the oven!  First day of school and I have to make the total ass hat move of locking my keys inside the house.  Springing into action I call the owner of the home to see if she has a key hidden outside.  Nope.  So I call my husband to tell him what I have done and to please get our twins to after school care until I can get there…oh yeah and to see if he can come get me if my attempts to commandeer a key are unsuccessful.  He says yes but try first and then let me know.  So I run across the street, under the maple tree and to the front door of my neighbor.  He opens, invites me in and I ask if he has a key.  He says, “I think so, at least I used to so come on in and let me look.”  He goes through what seems like 100 keys only to say, “I don’t have one but I know who does so come on and I will drive you there”.  He has been here since 1964 so I don’t question this logic at all..I just assume we are going elsewhere in this good size neighborhood to someone’s house, until we turn out of our neighborhood.  It is now that I am beginning to wonder where we are going. He drives like a bat out of hell (I turn around to make sure we are not being chased because he is flying), he does not use turn signals and his left arm shakes like a paint shaker at home depot so I feel like I am in a blender.  We go a bit further and are now going away from town so I sit for a second until I have mustered the courage to ask him where we are going.  He says, “To the police department.”  I say, “really, why?”  He answers, “They will be able to let you into your house.”  Skeptical and puzzled I ask him in a very small voice, “Do they keep keys to some people’s homes at the police department here in Winston?”  His answer made me want to laugh and cry at the same time.  He says, “well no but they have one of those jimmy things they use on your car so I sure they can use it on your house”!!!!!!!!!!!  I think to myself, yeah no this is not gonna work we are getting into a ranch not a sentra… so self, what are you gonna do now?  I start to imagine us pulling up at the police station and going in.  I try to explain to the desk officers that he brought me here for a key to my house (because you can always get a key to your house from the police station??? IN SEASAME STREET) and they do not believe me.  Instead they think I have kidnapped him (a much more likely story) and at gunpoint am making him drive me to his bank so he can take out all his money and give it to me!  I am new here and well, a blonde so how am I to know the police station is right next to his bank???  They think I am the first bad element to hit Winston Salem and lock me up!  My husband has to leave his new job to bust his wife out of the clink and that will not look good then we have to work with local DSS offices to get our children back!  Back to reality…how do I stop him from taking me to the police station?  I text my husband in all caps.  PLEASE LEAVE WORK AND COME LET ME IN…NEIGHBOR IS NOT, I REPEAT NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO HELP ME!  I then decide to say, oh…I have just received a text from my husband and he is on the way so we can just turn around and head home!  He says, “Well ok if you say so.”  We get back home, I thank him and I sit on my front porch for about 30 minutes freaking out at the cheesecake that I have in the oven and the fact that I did not get to school to pick up my twins on time.  This is not something they will take kindly to because they are mine and they do not like to be inconvenienced OR for the mommy to not hold up her end of the bargain!  Great, this is going to cost me a trip to Build a Bear or Toys R Us!  I would rather face down a rabid bear than face down the girl child when she aint happy or the boy child when he is disappointed.  There has GOT to be sword I can fall on out here somewhere??? 

Husband arrives and lets me in the house, cheesecake is awesome and by the way if you want to keep a cheesecake from cracking on top….cook it in a water bath!  I pee, grab a coke, bag of chips and thank the husband for letting me in.  I follow him back to school because I am the one with car seats and he has to go back to work, it is only 4pm.  I walk in, look for my twins and they are of course happy to see me.  Hugs, kisses, stories about friends made, artwork completed and a successful first day.  Whew, seems like I dodged a bullet and maybe they are not pissed at me and are willing to cut me some slack on being way late! 

I had to mention it, it was killing me I guess so… I shit in my own well!  I said, “So guys, did daddy tell you what happened to mommy and why I am late?”  My sweet son looks at me through the rear view mirror rolls his big brown eyes, bats his 10,000 brown eyelashes and in a very sarcastic voice says, 


“Why yes he did mommy, he said YOU locked yourself out of the house, is THAT true?”  I felt like I all of a sudden needed a booster seat so I could see over the steering wheel.  Man kids know how to make you feel like a stupid asshole!  I answered, “Yes darling, I had so much on my mind and I missed you guys so much and wanted to hear all about your day that I rushed out and slammed the door behind me without my keys, can you believe that?  


My daughter, without looking up but managing to get the eye roll in followed by the sigh of an irritated 5 year old who is rapidly approaching OVER IT says, “Mommy what kind of person locks themselves OUT of their OWN house?”  You know, I cannot argue with that kind of logic since I know exactly where she got it.

Old, Not that there is anything wrong with old.

1^st Day of school for the twins and mommy is off to a winning start.  I am a Loser with a capital L!  Sometimes when I do it all right, or things go well (off without a hitch so to speak) I have to sit for a second in utter amazement that I didn’t actually kill anyone or anything.  I can’t always say that since the Lexus has been known to take out small creatures such as Canada Geese and squirrels (in the double digits) but I can say that I haven’t taken out any adults or small children YET.  

For someone that seems secure, organized and confident on the outside I seem to say to myself “you can do this” over and over again.  I really am in shock sometimes when I crawl into bed at night that I (and the people I take care of) have made it safely through a day.  If you really stop and think of how your family looks up to you, expects you to be there, knows you are the glue that keeps it all together  and also the wind that keeps all the balls in the air…it will flat scare the living shit out of you!  Holy responsibility batman!  I actually remember thinking when I was pregnant, man if I can just get these babies OUT of my body life will be so much easier and it will slow down.  (Insert wild, loud, snorting laughter here.) That is not even a naive thought it is simply the dumbest thought in the free world.  I really thought things would “slow down” and “go back to normal”.  Little did I know that things never slow down again and back to normal just becomes a new normal.  But from there on in, life is a complete and utter train wreck and you are running around like a raped ape all the time.  I also now believe what all the people I thought were crazy as hell used to say to me.  “You will soon embrace it and not know how to act when everything isn’t going crazy all the time.”  Sad but true just as it is that prisoners become accustom to life behind bars so much that they can’t make it on the outside.  How is that for a positive outlook on it?  (insert sarcastic smiley face here)  I say, whatever helps.

We moved to Winston Salem and everything is new.  It is new for us but there sure isn’t much new here.  Everything and everyone is pretty old.  Even the man who cuts my grass is old. 

He looks JUST like Henry Fonda did in On Golden Pond until you get right up on him.  He is really tall and has sleeves of tattoo's.  All the tattoo's are brightly colored and man he has both arms full!  He will not let me give him water or anything but he will talk to me as long as I will talk to him.  He may be old but he is in serious shape.  Not only does he do our yard but the yards of everyone in our neighborhood who does not do their own.  I felt so guilty sitting in my house watching him cut the grass until I started to talk to him.  Then I realized he was just like my grandfather and cutting the grass is therapy for him, he loves it and it shows because it looks wonderful when he is finished.  He arrives at 8am and he is with me until 2pm and he uses a push mover...yes a friggin push mower.  He does not have an ounce of fat on him!  It is August and he wears overalls and a t-shirt with boots!  I love him. 

Trust me I don't say this old thing like it is bad..it just is what it is.  I am no spring chicken but I guess I am just used to home where I see more of a mixture of things and people of all ages.  We live in the “country” so I am told that the closer I get to “town” the younger things get.   Suddenly I feel like Wyatt Earp’s wife heading for Tombstone, where is my covered wagon and my laudanum? The quote I get from most folks I talk to must be on a bumper sticker somewhere but I have yet to see it.  “Welcome to Winston, things here are slow, very old and very safe”.  It is like they pull people aside once social security kicks in and teach them that this is the thing to say to a newcomer.  Even the man at the Verizon store said this and then followed it up with, “If you want gangs and fast pace with new stuff then 919 is still there but if you like slow and safe honey 336 is for you!”  The other thing they tell me is that Winston is simply beautiful and they are also right about that (with exception of that Peters Creek area..it is creepy).  Only having been here for a few weeks I must admit I am getting very used to the fact that Winston is slow, very old and very safe.  The people are also very nice and welcoming.  I am used to a certain snobby attitude from my home town.  The people are often times judgmental, difficult, unfriendly and just plain snarky and you can tell by looking at them which ones will be the worst.  Raleigh has that reputation with people here as well and many have asked me about what it was like to live there because of it.  I love it, I miss it and all these things about it are true but it is also a wonderful place to live and when it is all you really know you tend to be accepting, well that and some people rich or poor are just assholes.  The people here could not be further from the words listed above in fact they are the antithesis.  The ones you look at and think would be unfriendly or snarky are the nicest of all.  People speak, smile and talk to you.  They genuinely care about the answer to the question.  Not just hey, how are you while flying past you.   Seriously everyone I have encountered here has been beaming with quiet, southern charm and overwhelmingly welcoming.  So much so that it has brought me to a place where I tread in unfamiliar waters, this place is called, at a loss for words and folks it is quiet and lonely there, thank GOD I am not there very often!

This brings me to my new neighbor.  He is however not new.  He moved here in 1964 when he was 34 years old.  The tree in his front yard is a LARGE and looming but beautiful maple tree and it is what I look at each morning when I have my coffee.  His wife planted the tree as a seedling in 1965.  His roots here are as deep as the maple.  He is adorable and has his fair share of sad stories to add to his years but he is here and I am thankful for him to add to my list of people to care for because this man is learning how to live alone for the first time in over 62 years.  I am not alone but I feel certain symmetry with him at the present time. 

On this, the first day of school for my twins at their new Montessori School I did not do all things right.  I got them lunch packed, clothed and out the door for school and arrived on time.  I came home to my daunting list of to do’s and knocked out quite a bit. I even suffered a minor myocardial infarction as I got a little jiggy wit my new elliptical machine cause this girl is also old and slow!   As the day progressed and I prepared to be back at school on time as promised, I started numbering things in my head that needed to happen and also numbering the items I would need in my hands when I walked out the door(OCD I know but not quite far enough to be licking light plates).  I needed three things.  Keys, phone and wallet, not hard to remember right?  Keys, phone and wallet!  I rushed around the house, picked up three things and headed out the front door.  As the door closed behind me and hitting me in the ass, something felt wrong, very wrong.  

                       SHIT  SHIT   SHIT

I looked at my hands and I did in fact have three things.  Phone (always), wallet (usually) and a letter (not my keys).  Shit, I am locked out and I have little idea of where I am.  I have 10 minutes to get to school to be on time and my drive is about 13 minutes.  Screwed, not good mommy, not good.  What is that noise I hear??  It is the sound of my mommy of the year trophy falling off a shelf inside my locked house and right into the cheesecake that is in the oven!  First day of school and I have to make the total ass hat move of locking my keys inside the house.  Springing into action I call the owner of the home to see if she has a key hidden outside.  Nope.  So I call my husband to tell him what I have done and to please get our twins to after school care until I can get there…oh yeah and to see if he can come get me if my attempts to commandeer a key are unsuccessful.  He says yes but try first and then let me know.  So I run across the street, under the maple tree and to the front door of my neighbor.  He opens, invites me in and I ask if he has a key.  He says, “I think so, at least I used to so come on in and let me look.”  He goes through what seems like 100 keys only to say, “I don’t have one but I know who does so come on and I will drive you there”.  He has been here since 1964 so I don’t question this logic at all..I just assume we are going elsewhere in this good size neighborhood to someone’s house, until we turn out of our neighborhood.  It is now that I am beginning to wonder where we are going. He drives like a bat out of hell (I turn around to make sure we are not being chased because he is flying), he does not use turn signals and his left arm shakes like a paint shaker at home depot so I feel like I am in a blender.  We go a bit further and are now going away from town so I sit for a second until I have mustered the courage to ask him where we are going.  He says, “To the police department.”  I say, “really, why?”  He answers, “They will be able to let you into your house.”  Skeptical and puzzled I ask him in a very small voice, “Do they keep keys to some people’s homes at the police department here in Winston?”  His answer made me want to laugh and cry at the same time.  He says, “well no but they have one of those jimmy things they use on your car so I sure they can use it on your house”!!!!!!!!!!!  I think to myself, yeah no this is not gonna work we are getting into a ranch not a sentra… so self, what are you gonna do now?  I start to imagine us pulling up at the police station and going in.  I try to explain to the desk officers that he brought me here for a key to my house (because you can always get a key to your house from the police station??? IN SEASAME STREET) and they do not believe me.  Instead they think I have kidnapped him (a much more likely story) and at gunpoint am making him drive me to his bank so he can take out all his money and give it to me!  I am new here and well, a blonde so how am I to know the police station is right next to his bank???  They think I am the first bad element to hit Winston Salem and lock me up!  My husband has to leave his new job to bust his wife out of the clink and that will not look good then we have to work with local DSS offices to get our children back!  Back to reality…how do I stop him from taking me to the police station?  I text my husband in all caps.  PLEASE LEAVE WORK AND COME LET ME IN…NEIGHBOR IS NOT, I REPEAT NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO HELP ME!  I then decide to say, oh…I have just received a text from my husband and he is on the way so we can just turn around and head home!  He says, “Well ok if you say so.”  We get back home, I thank him and I sit on my front porch for about 30 minutes freaking out at the cheesecake that I have in the oven and the fact that I did not get to school to pick up my twins on time.  This is not something they will take kindly to because they are mine and they do not like to be inconvenienced OR for the mommy to not hold up her end of the bargain!  Great, this is going to cost me a trip to Build a Bear or Toys R Us!  I would rather face down a rabid bear than face down the girl child when she aint happy or the boy child when he is disappointed.  There has GOT to be sword I can fall on out here somewhere??? 

Husband arrives and lets me in the house, cheesecake is awesome and by the way if you want to keep a cheesecake from cracking on top….cook it in a water bath!  I pee, grab a coke, bag of chips and thank the husband for letting me in.  I follow him back to school because I am the one with car seats and he has to go back to work, it is only 4pm.  I walk in, look for my twins and they are of course happy to see me.  Hugs, kisses, stories about friends made, artwork completed and a successful first day.  Whew, seems like I dodged a bullet and maybe they are not pissed at me and are willing to cut me some slack on being way late! 

I had to mention it, it was killing me I guess so… I shit in my own well!  I said, “So guys, did daddy tell you what happened to mommy and why I am late?”  My sweet son looks at me through the rear view mirror rolls his big brown eyes, bats his 10,000 brown eyelashes and in a very sarcastic voice says,  “Why yes he did mommy, he said YOU locked yourself out of the house, is THAT true?”  I felt like I all of a sudden needed a booster seat so I could see over the steering wheel.  Man kids know how to make you feel like a stupid asshole!  I answered, “Yes darling, I had so much on my mind and I missed you guys so much and wanted to hear all about your day that I rushed out and slammed the door behind me without my keys, can you believe that?  My daughter, without looking up but managing to get the eye roll in followed by the sigh of an irritated 5 year old who is rapidly approaching OVER IT says, “Mommy what kind of person locks themselves OUT of their OWN house?”  You know, I cannot argue with that kind of logic since I know exactly where she got it.